Kissing Cousins?

Because right now I have no real, hard proof that Dan and Charlie are dating. Buuuuuut I do have real, hard proof that they’ve been spending a lot of time together. With no one else with them. It’d be one thing if Dan and Charlie were hanging out with Eric or Serena in tow. But that’s not the case. Dan and Charlie have been spotted totally alone. In just the company of themselves. From Brooklyn coffee shops to village bookstores to LES movie theatres, these two have been up to typical Dan Humphrey activities. Gross. Why does Dan have this power over the women in his life? I just don’t get it. But nonetheless, it looks like Charlie’s under the Dan Humphrey spell. And she actually seems to be enjoying it. Gag me.

xoxo

From the New York Obsever

Queen of New York

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. One of our very own UESers engaged? To be married. To a prince. Shut the front door! Beyond jealous. Seething with envy. Coveting her life. Dying. But let me rewind a bit and fill you in on how it all went down!

Unless you’re allergic to the internet or to NYC newspapers, then you know all about Blair and Louis. How they’ve been spending hours and hours together, traipsing around the city as if they were joined at the hip. From premieres to gallery openings, these two were making the most of their new relationship. Blair even went to a pub, a pub!, to watch a soccer game (AND she drank beer!). There was no denying it. Blair and Louis were totally into each other. Unfortunately, Louis’ parents did not approve of the pairing. And when Louis’ mother, Princess Sophie, showed up in the city unexpectedly she rained on their love parade. Louis could absolutely, positively not be with Blair. Blair was just a commoner (um, rude, this is Blair Waldorf for goodness sake!). But that wasn’t the only problem. According to Princess Sophie, Louis was already engaged to someone else. Excusez-moi? Blair could not believe this! That two timing prince!

Louis apologized to Blair for the big shock. The truth was that his parents thought he should be married before he took the throne. So they were intent on finding him a proper wife ASAP. And they had some options ready for him. Royal options, natch. Though Louis had an idea. Even though Blair wasn’t royalty maybe she could still stand a chance. Louis’ mother was flying in her top ten choices for wives for a party. Maybe there was a way for Blair to be on his mother’s guest list as well. Because truthfully, Louis did not care for the other girls. He wanted Blair. He connected with her. Aww. Melting. In order to make the cut to tonight’s party, all Blair had to do was wow Sophie at tea and win her approval. Then Blair and Louis could live happily ever after.

But little did Blair know she had someone working against her. Her very own BFF, Serena. Yep, you read that right. Serena pretended to be okay with fact that Blair had kissed Dan. But in reality she was livid. If S had ever kissed Chuck, she’d be six feet under. So it was Serena who had been in touch with Princess Sophie about Louis’ whereabouts and doings. Bitchy BFF!

Blair met up with Sophie for tea and was prepared to woo the princess. Though B was surprised when Sophie pulled out some very incriminating information about her: posts from this very blog. Oh, they went back pretty far. Dancing in a burlesque show. Pregnancy scare. Getting traded for a hotel. Glad to see my archives in use! Anyway, Blair pleaded with the Princess that she had changed. And all she wanted was Louis. Perhaps B could make it up to her that night at the party. Prove to her the kind of royal lady she really was…

Meanwhile, Dan was hanging out a lot with his new friend/step-cousin/cousin through marriage/who the f knows, Charlie. Though it was obvious Charlie wanted more. Especially after Vanessa caught her reading a book about turning your friend into a boyfriend. Ooh la la. Vanessa told Charlie she wanted to help her. She had recently gotten a scholarship to study abroad so she’d be leaving NY. And the thought of Dan falling into the arms of Blair or Serena terrified her. But Vanessa thought Charlie seemed okay. So maybe V could help the lesser of all the evils win over Dan. That way he wouldn’t end up with one of V’s enemies.

But after some wise words of warning from his father, Dan started to pull away. He liked Charlie but he wasn’t looking for a relationship. And he thought she should know. Ouch!  Charlie told him she wasn’t looking for a relationship either (liar!). She just wanted to be friends (suuuure). Though when she heard Rufus was hosting some business clients at the loft with Dan and Eric, Charlie jumped right in and offered to cook pizza for everybody. Turns out, an old friend called Rufus to see if he’d be interested in producing a new indie band’s album. Rufus was pumped. Fabulous news! No more butlering or playing house husband, this could be a real gig. And Rufus’s dinner at the loft was supposed to show these indie kids that Rufus may live on the UES, but his heart was still in Brooklyn.

Unfortunately, when Dan, Eric and Rufus showed up to the loft there wasn’t any pizza or paper plates. Instead, Charlie had arranged a candlelit dinner catered by Per Se. Not exactly what Rufus had in mind. Indie rockers eating foie gras? Never! This was a disaster. Looked like Charlie had blown it!

Charlie was totally upset. She told Dan that she only threw the fancy party because Vanessa told her to do it. Ugh, that Vanessa! But what Dan didn’t know was that Charlie was totally lying. The truth was Vanessa had told her to throw a nice, low key party suitable to men who wear skinny jeans. Sneaky! But Charlie had the last laugh. Because now Dan thought Vanessa had sabotaged once again and Charlie got to be the damsel in distress. Seemed like V would be leaving town as the villain everyone thought she was. MWAHAHA. Charlie said she’d take good care of Dan while Vanessa’s gone. Ooh, was definitely not expecting that side of Charlie at all.

Luckily for Rufus, he was able to save the day with the band. NY pizza never fails. And Rufus totally got the job! You go, Mr. Humphrey.

In the Chuck of it all, he was depressed. About what? You name it. The fire at the Kinberg building, Blair being photographed all over town with a prince, etc. Things were bad. And it wasn’t helping that Raina was intent on finding her mother. Nate tried to avoid the subject since he knew what might be the truth: that Raina’s mother had died in a fire that Bart supposedly set. Yet Chuck was still holding on to the fact that maybe his dad was innocent. But then Andrew Tyler gave Chuck a letter he found. It was from Avery Thorpe to Bart. She was calling off their affair. Aha! Bart and Avery were fooling around behind Russell’s back. And from the looks of the letter, she was planning on ending things to go back to her husband. Did somebody say motive? Bart the jealous and jilted lover… Chuck couldn’t believe it. His father really was a murderer??

Even though Chuck forbid Nate to tell Raina the truth about her mother, Nate did so anyway. She deserved to know that her mother was dead. Raina was extremely sad. Though now she understood why her father wanted to take down Bass Industries. It was obvious Chuck was just like his dad. While Nate tried to defend his friend, Raina didn’t want to hear it. She gave Nate an ultimatum: it was either her or Chuck. AH! Who do you choose??

At Louis’ pick-your-princess embassy party, Blair was ready to shine. She knew how to do everything and who everyone was (thanks to Dorota for the quizzing!). And Louis’ mother actually seemed impressed. Well that was until Chuck showed up. Oh crap. Chuck had heard from Nate about just how serious Blair and Louis were. And that wasn’t going to fly with him. Chuck even brought the diamond ring (you know, the one he had on him when he was shot in Prague). What should have been some grand romantic gesture turned into a drunken embarrassment. Chuck was waaaasted and made a complete fool of himself. And Blair. Chuck went on and on about how the two of them belonged together. Blair begged him to get out of there but he wouldn’t listen. Chuck just knew that Blair still loved him. She had to, right? But before she could answer, security escorted him out. See ya, Basstard.

After the party, Blair was upset. Duh. Serena tried to comfort her. She told her BFF she kind of felt bad for Chuck. Blair could not believe it! What was Serena’s problem? She knew that it was S who gave Sophie the posts. But why was Serena also taking Chuck’s side? Chuck had brought her into the darkness for so long, now Blair wanted light. She wanted Louis! Fortunately for B, Louis overheard her. And he wanted Blair just as much. Louis didn’t care about his family’s approval. If Blair was willing to fight for her joy, he would fight for his. There was no point of being head of state if he couldn’t follow his heart. Louis said he’d give up the throne if it meant he could have Blair. And with that, Louis proposed to her. OMFG!!!

Blair went over to see Chuck. He was real drunk and mumbling things like he needed her more than he’s ever needed her before. But Blair didn’t want to hear any of it. She told him Louis had proposed. Chuck was livid. Blair was his! And then Chuck got waaaaay scary and even punched a window. And the glass hit Blair and made her bleed. YIKES x a million!

After seeing the Chuck outburst, Nate told Raina he chose her. WHOA! And then Raina called, are you sitting down?, Jack Bass! And it seems like he might be on his way to the UES…

Oh no! Uncle Bass swimming upstream to the UES? Eek. His appearances always bring nothing but trouble. Hope you’re ready for some drama. I say bring it on!

xoxo

Spotted!

Spotted: B with Louis at The Abbey Pub for the Monaco vs Paris Saint-Germain match. B in a pub watching a soccer game? Oh, Louis, you bring out a new side of the girl. S and E stocking up on magazines at Barnes & Noble. Guessing they’re probably for house arrest mom. What great kids! D with, I think, cousin Charlie. They were eating at John’s Pizza on Bleecker. New friends/step-cousins? Whatever. N studying in the Columbia library. Whoa! Good for him! MIA: C, duh.

xoxo

Monaco Prince + UES Princess = < 3?

If you’ve opened a newspaper or checked out a gossip site in the past few days then you know all about Blair and Louis. Those two sure have been keeping busy. And they’ve certainly not been shying away from the cameras. The new couple has been spotted all over the city together. From closing night galas to shows at Carnegie Hall to Broadway openings, Blair and Louis are living it up. They both seem way happy. Aw. But I mean, of course B is happy. She’s dating a freaking prince for crying out loud. I can’t help but be jealous. Please tell me you guys are feeling the same way. It’s totally natural to be completely and totally 100% in envy of her, right? Right??


xoxo

Where’s Chuck?

I guess it’s no surprise that once Blair comes out on the arm of a new guy, Chuck almost immediately goes into exile. It can’t be a coincidence. Though I sort of understand. It must be all sorts of awks seeing your ex all over the place, with a huge smile, next to her new boyfriend. Who’s a prince, no less. Ouch. But to be fair to Blair, Chuck’s had his fair share of girls since their break up. Remember Eva? Raina? So let’s not feel too bad for Bass. And who knows? Just because the guy is holed up in his suite doesn’t mean he’s not still having fun. Did someone say room service? With a side of housekeepers?

xoxo

Pierogies for 2

Boy, was I used this week. And unlike most people, I love being used! Breaking such scandalous stories is my job. I’m glad people always come to me for digging up the dirt. You’re so very welcome.

Prince Louis of Monaco was in New York City. Yes! That fine piece of microstate tail wanted to see Blair and of course, our UES princess was flipping out. She needed the perfect outfit. This guy was royalty and she needed to look every bit the blue blood that she kind of was. This was huge! Her minions would flip their shiz if they knew who she was going on a date with. Take that, Penelope. Unfortunately, Louis asked Blair to keep mum on his appearance in NYC. His family didn’t know he was in town. So he and Blair would have to meet in a secretive place that paparazzi would never go. Since she’d hung out with Dan Humphrey one too many times, she knew of the perfect place: Veselka. Pierogies for 2, please!

Though when Blair arrived for her date with Louis at the LES restaurant, she was surprised to find Dan there. Geez, that kid is like obsessed with Ukrainian food or something. Blair made him leave at once. But little did Blair know Dan was there on a writing assignment. An editor at Paris Match wanted him to follow around some Prince and write an article. Though once Dan realized Blair was actually on a date with this Prince Louis, he graciously bowed out of the assignment. Thanks, Humphrey.

But Lonely Boy wasn’t the only spy out in the cold. Too bad for Blair and Dan, Serena had listened to Vanessa’s message about a Waldorf-Humphrey kiss. She was skeptical. Her BFF and ex-BF were the last two people she’d ever think would smooch. But her curiosity got the best of her. So Serena sent her cousin Charlie down to Veselka to snoop around where Dan had been spotted. Welcome to our world, Serena’s cousin. Waiting outside the eatery, Charlie saw Dan go into the restaurant… followed by Blair, dun dun dun! Charlie assumed it meant bad news for Serena and alerted her cousin at once. S could not believe this. How could B and D?!  So Serena marched all the way downtown to confront those sneaky jerks. But when she got to Veselka, she was surprised to find Blair sitting there with Louis. No Dan in sight. Obviously, Charlie had just been mistaken. She was new in town after all. These things happen. Phew.

Sadly for B though, it looked like the Prince’s visit to the Big Apple was going to end early. His parents had found out where he was and with whom, and his handler, Lucien, was coming to bring him back to France ASAP. A Blair-Louis relationship just didn’t seem to be in the cards. Boo! Though when Blair found out that it was Dan who had spilled the beans on Louis’ location, she was livid. Turned out, the Paris Match editor was a fake and just used Dan to confirm Louis’ whereabouts. Rude! So Blair had an idea. She was going to stage an intimate moment between her and Dan in front of Lucien. This way he’d see nothing was going on with Blair and Louis and then let the prince stay in NYC. And she and Louis would therefore live happily ever after. One of B’s perfect plans strikes again. But unfortunately for her, Charlie snapped a pic of Blair and Dan tie shopping at Paul Smith and sent the incriminating evidence to Serena. Poor S. Maybe Charlie was right about those two after all…

Meanwhile, Lily had been sentenced to house arrest. This involved an electronic ankle monitor and everything. Being trapped in the apartment was pretty bleak but thankfully she had making gift bags for the Pink Party to keep her busy. Or not. Because Anne Archibald showed up and announced she and the other society women would be taking over gift bagging duties. They wouldn’t need Lily’s help anymore. Those bitches! Of course Rufus was worried about his wife. This was all Lily had to keep her sane. So he, Eric and Serena came up with an idea to move the Pink Party to their house. Just because Lily couldn’t go to the party, didn’t mean the party couldn’t come to her. Genius!

At the Pink Party, Serena and Charlie were out to out Blair and Dan. The nerve of those two blatantly lying to S’ face. How dare they? So when Blair and Dan snuck out of the room, Charlie followed. And she nabbed the best/grossest video I have ever seen. It was Blair and Dan making out. Vomit! Charlie sent it to me and then of course I sent it to everyone. Hope you all could stomach it. I hardly could myself.

But a busted Blair was in a bad position. She couldn’t admit the kiss was staged because then Louis would have to leave NY. So in front of everyone, including Lucien, she confirmed it. Blair and Dan. Dan and Blair. They were totally together. OMG!

Lucien may have been relieved to learn that Blair was with Dan and not Louis, but Serena was beyond pissed off. So what’d she do? She marched up to Louis and told him that Blair and Dan were 100% a couple. Louis was confused of course. Blair had told him she was only pretending for Lucien. But Serena said that was false. Blair had deceived him once again.

Alone with S, Blair and Dan tried to explain to her why they’d kissed. This time and the time before. They’d hung out over the Xmas break and sort of bonded. They only kissed to make sure that neither felt anything for one another. It meant nothing. Either time. For reals. But S was still angry. The only reason Blair liked Dan was because he was Serena’s. That made Blair mad. Blair and Dan did things they could never do with Serena. They had a connection. Besides, the spotlight’s not always just for Serena van der Woodsen. Ouch.

The society ladies were being especially bitchy. Even at Lily’s own house. Anne told her she hadn’t been there for her when she was going through her own Archibald drama. Why should anyone be there for Lily now? Eek. As far as Anne was concerned, this was Lily’s last society party. Double eek. Lily had had enough. So she went downstairs to the lobby of the building and surely enough the cops came. Being in the lobby violated her house arrest. Lily said she wasn’t sure of her parameters, but that wasn’t the point. There was a party going on upstairs that was much too noisy. Perhaps the cops could break it up? Good one, Lily! Seriously, suck it, socialites.

All the while, Raina had decided she wanted to try to find her mother, Avery Thorpe. Though Chuck, who was in a weird, sullen mood, warned her not to. If Raina’s mother had wanted to get in touch with her, she would have. Raina had just lost her father, was she ready to be rejected by her mother, too? Um, sound familiar? Anyway, Raina wasn’t giving up the search. So when she found out there was an Avery Thorpe who was working at a diner she set out with both Nate and Chuck in tow. But the woman there turned out not to be her mom. Bummer!

But Chuck knew something more. Before Russell left, he’d told him that Bart was responsible for Raina’s mother’s death. Remember the fire at the Kinberg building? The one Bart set? That fire killed Raina’s mother. Could that really be true? Could Bart have done such a thing? Chuck asked his PI, Andrew Tyler, to get to the bottom of it. And he did. Andrew gave Chuck a tape with footage on it from the night of the blaze. It was of Bart arguing with Avery Thorpe who then went into the Kinberg building right before it went up in the flames. AHHHH!

Charlie went all the way to Brooklyn to apologize to Dan for recording him and Blair at the party. She told him it was Vanessa who had been the one to spill the beans to S about the kiss in the first place. That damn Vanessa! Dan was pissed. Especially since he was considering forgiving V for all her wrong doings. But that was definitely not going to happen now. Thank god! Anyway, Charlie’s one smart Florida cookie and she was pretty sure Dan still had feelings for Blair. And well, D couldn’t deny it. Aw? Dan invited Charlie to hang out for the night. Hmm. Could these two become kissing step-cousins? We shall see.

Blair assured Louis there was absolutely nothing going on between her and Dan. She wanted to be with Louis. And only Louis. Louis was elated. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy for him to be with a commoner and he needed to know Blair was serious before taking such a big risk. And with that, the two decided to go public. They stepped out of his limo and kissed in front of the paparazzi. It was truly magical. Though unbeknownst to them, Serena made a call. To Jean-Michel, Louis’ driver from the summer. Hmm. What does it all mean?!?

Wow. Blair and a prince. Did you ever expect anything else from her? Blair might not be a princess by blood but she’s surely a princess by society’s standards. Could she be the next Grace Kelly? Oh god, I hope so. Throw away the headband, B. Looks like a crown could be coming your way…

xoxo