Monday, October 24, 2011

Spotted!

Spotted: D doing a reading at Barnes & Noble. I hear he had a pretty good crowd. Feel like I’m in an alternate universe or something. S walking into her office building. It was before 8am. Wow. Never seen S up this early in the am (well, save for her days doing the walk of shame). B and Dorota at Bendel’s. Word has it the royals are coming to town so B’s obviously planning to dress to impress. C and N drinking at King Cole Bar. Though many things are different, some things never change…

xoxo

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Deny, Deny, Deny

Let me ask this question: has there ever not been a scandal at a fashion show? Yeah, I didn’t think so. It seems like whenever our favorite UESers gather together for a night of high fashion it soon turns into a night of high drama. Luckily all of us got front row seats to the show of the year.
Blair’s paternity test results were in! But Blair was being a scaredy cat and couldn’t face the truth. Another day perhaps? Dorota was worried about her little kochanie so she enlisted the help of the only other person who knew Blair was pregnant: Dan. Dan being Dan was more than happy to butt in and take matters into his own hands. He even picked up the paternity test results (sealed of course) from the doctor’s office. Yet Blair couldn’t be bothered with that nuisance at the moment. She had bigger fish to fry like an interview with Hello Magazine. One could not receive such huge and life-altering news before such an important interview. Blair would end up sounding ruffled, not regal! Therefore, she would wait!
The interviewer asked Blair about when she and Louis were planning on starting a family. Blair was caught a bit off guard but kept herself composed and gave a trés vague response. But then the women let B in on what Louis’ answer was to the same question. He didn’t want children right away. He wasn’t ready to be a father just yet. Oh crap! Things only got worse for B when she saw Chuck, on this very site, returning the dog Dan got for him to the pound. FYI Dan got C a dog in hopes that a puppy could make him finally feel something – because whoever can’t feel something around an adorable dog is obviously messed up. Anyway, now it looked like B had the possibility of 2 bad dads on her hands. This was terrible news! Blair tore up the envelope with the test results. Because that solves things, I guess?
When he wasn’t trying to help Blair, Dan was dealing with his own bit of troubles. He had finally found out who was going to publish his book (thanks, Chuck!). Luckily, his old mentor Noah Shapiro had that very publisher as well. So Dan went to see Noah and asked how he could go about getting this pesky book killed once and for all. Noah could not believe his ears. What a coward this Humphrey truly was! Although, it didn’t even matter. The best thing Dan could do in order for this novel to die a fast death was to do nothing at all. The book wasn’t about vampires or written by a Fox News pundit so it’d probably get lost and just fade away on its own. Why would anyone care about some random book by a random author anyway?
After getting a tip (much gratitude to my loyal readers!), I sent out a blast about this new Upper East Side tell-all. Dan was shocked. That Noah blabbed to someone! He stormed back to his former mentor’s office to tell him to keep his mouth shut. But Noah wasn’t there. Instead, Alessandra, Noah’s agent, was. She told Dan that Noah was busy with his super secret new book that he was releasing. He’d only just told Alessandra about it. Then Alessandra showed Dan the book. And what would you know, it was Inside, Dan’s book. OMG Noah stole his novel!! WTF?
Meanwhile, Charlie was back in New York. For better or worse. She didn’t tell Carol where she was so her fake mom was calling her constantly. And she definitely wasn’t picking up. So, Carol got in touch with her sister. Had Lily heard from Charlie? Lily was concerned about this mother-daughter drama. Surely this wasn’t something she and Serena needed to be in the middle of (I mean, hello they have their own issues!). Also, Lily was worried about Charlie’s well being. Was there a chance Charlie could go all May 2011 again? Too bad, Charlie overheard the convo. Maybe New York wasn’t the place for her after all. Back to LA she would go! Serena tried to convince her cousin otherwise, but Charlie had already made up her mind. Sad? Serena asked her if she could do one last thing before she left the city: return her tickets to the Jenny Packham fashion show that night. Charlie agreed to it. It was the least she could do. But when Charlie got to the venue, the woman there told her she’d be walking the show. Wait, what? Turned out, Serena had made a call. Sneaky, S! From errand runner to catwalk strutter? Charlie was going to say no to the show – until she saw the dress she would be wearing. Um, it was beautiful and beyond anything she’d ever worn in her life. Perhaps Charlie could have one last Cindrella moment before fleeing the ball for good?

And in a change of pace, some good news came out of the UES for once. Rufus got Lily off of house arrest. Thank goodness! No more Netflix streaming, Bluefly shopping or Kindle reading. It was time to the see the world, smell the New York City air, and go to the Jenny Packham fashion show! Hallelujah!
The fashion show was being sponsored by The New York Spectator, where Nate was now working. He had just started his internship there. Aww, our hottie’s growing up. As boss, Diana was cleaning house. She wanted to start anew which meant firing all the people who already worked there. It was time to make this the paper for hip and cool people. Not those who were geriatric and out of touch. So it only made sense to back the ultra trendy fashion show. Though Nate was beginning to feel used. He didn’t really have a place at the company. Well, except to bang Diana when she wanted to bang. Poor N. Diana pleaded with him that he really did have a function. In fact, she wanted him to interview a Congressman at the fashion show that could definitely be a great story. Nate’s first assignment? Cute!

At the fashion show, Nate interviewed the politician and asked the questions Diana told him to ask. Like how was his trip to Mykonos? And that’s when his wife freaked out. Mykonos? WTF? He was obviously cheating on her. It was time for a divorce. Whoa! Nate was shocked. Diana set him up! Why would she do that? Diana admitted the truth. She wasn’t interested in interviews with the elite. The Spectator was not some Huffington Post rip off. No, Diana wanted the secrets and scandals of New York’s elite. Um, hello? I kind of came up with that years ago, lady. Besides, my site doesn’t create scandal. I just whisper what’s already out there. And really, you’re welcome. But it seemed like Diana didn’t care. She was out to make something new. And then Nate then accidentally came up with a great idea. They had had all the fashion show attendee’s phones checked in order to prevent Twitter spoilers. Perhaps the answer to all their gossip seeking was in the cell phones? Genius! So Nate and Diana went through all the Blackberries, iPhones, Androids, etc. (except for Nate’s friends’s phones – he took those out, good boy). I smell trouble!
But that’s not the only craziness that happened at the fashion show. Oh no, there was so much more! While Charlie was walking the deconstructed catwalk, shiz really hit the fan because Carol showed up! Charlie was stunned to see her fake mom there. Yikes. Carol told her it was time to pack her bags and get the ef out of New York. Bye, fake life, hello, real life. But Charlie realized that she didn’t need to be so scared of Carol because Charlie had some things she could hold over her head as well. Two can play this game. Charlie wanted to stay in NY and there was nothing Carol could do to stop her. Because really, what was Carol going to do? Call the police? Tell them she hired an aspiring actress to pose as her daughter just so she could get her family’s money? The authorities and the Rhodes would probably have a problem with that. Besides, the family that Carol hated had been nicer to Charlie than her real one ever was. If Carol tried to take Charlie down, she was coming down with her. WOW!!!
Okay, okay. And just when you thought that was bonkers, just wait. Dorota had called Dan and told him that Blair still hadn’t opened that darned envelope. It needed to get done! So Dan showed up at the fashion show and while B was walking, he tried to give her the taped up letter with the results. Of course, she didn’t want it. Though Dan was persistent. And then the two of them began to shove the envelope back and forth. Well, until B pushed D and he fell into a waiter. Crash. What a scene! <3 it!
Dan apologized to Blair. He shouldn’t have caused such a commotion. He really did understand why Blair was scared. Although, Lonely Boy had some good insight on the sitch. When the whole baby Milo and Georgina stuff happened to him last year, he wasn’t ready to be a father. But once he thought he was a dad he stepped up to the plate and did it. And wanted to do it. Louis or Chuck would obviously do the same. Probably? Thanks to Dan’s advice, Blair was ready and opened the letter. AHHHHHH!
Blair went to see Chuck. OMFG! She told him she was pregnant. OMFG again! And that Louis was the dad. OMFG what? Blair didn’t want Chuck to find out from someone else. Chuck was appreciative. Blair caught a glimpse of his dog. Wait. I thought he gave it away? Chuck told her the truth: he was actually just getting his pet fixed. How responsible! (And everyone should follow Chuck’s lead and do the same to their own animals!) But after Blair left, Chuck actually broke down and finally cried. Whoa. Guess he can feel once again? Good thing he has such a cute dog to comfort him.

When Blair told Louis that he was going to be a dad, the prince was ecstatic. Yay fatherhood! Blair was confused. What about the Hello Magazine interview and those unenthusiastic remarks about starting a family? Louis confessed he only said those things so that B wouldn’t be under constant baby watch by the crazy paparazzi. Oh, Louis. Truly a prince. Swoon.
After putting the Blair of it all to bed, Dan went to confront Noah who was at dinner with a bunch of literary heavyweights. Noah had stolen his book! Dan was actually the writer. How dare he? But Noah did something unexpected. He clapped, happily. Finally! Dan did the right thing by coming forward and admitting the reality. Destiny’s a scary thing to face and sometimes people need a push. And that’s just what Noah did. OMG Dan’s book is going to seriously come out! I cannot freaking believe it! Dying.
It looked like Charlie was staying in New York. And in Serena’s room, no less. Too bad, she couldn’t find her phone. Where was it? Oh, I know. Maybe with Nate and Diana? They had successfully returned all the phones they went through at the fashion show. And boy, did they find out some scandalous stuff. But they still had one phone whose owner they couldn’t locate. Someone named Ivy. Hmm…Who could that ever be?
Wow. Dan’s a published author. Chuck cried. Blair and Louis will be parents. And someone named Ivy is phone-less. Pretty eventful stuff on the UES. And for some reason, I have a feeling it’s only the beginning.

xoxo

Monday, October 10, 2011

Spotted!

Spotted: B shopping at Barneys with the minions. No idea which minions were there but does it even matter? C with D entering The Empire together. Yes, that’s not a misprint. C and D. Together. I know, beyond weird. N getting his hair cut at Martial Vivot. Needs to look good for his first day at his new internship, of course. S boarding a plane at LAX with her cousin in tow. Thank freaking goodness, S is coming back to NYC!

xoxo

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A Feast of Scandal

Oh, you Upper East Siders. I’ve begun to realize that drama and scandal are part of your DNA. You just cannot escape it. No matter where you go. Or who you get involved with. And all I can say to that is this: thank you!

Blair tagged along with a pregnant Dorota to her OB-GYN appointment. Last time I checked most employers don’t go to routine doctor’s appointments with the help. But I guess Blair and Dorota have a different kind of a relationship? Or could it have something to do with Blair wanting some answers for herself? B had a bunch of questions for the doctor. Like when was Dorota’s morning sickness going to end? How long until Dorota could determine the father of her child? Huh? What was up with Blair? And that’s when Dorota realized. OMFG Blair’s pregnant as well!


Soon, Blair realized that morning sickness isn’t just a myth – it’s a harsh, nauseating reality. But when no one knows you’re pregnant, you better keep your stomachaches to yourself. It only made matters worse that Blair had to be on her A-game since Louis’ sister, Beatrice, was in town and they were meeting for the very first time. Impressing family members was a must, obviously. So Blair put on a happy face to go shopping with Beatrice. Sadly, the entire time, she was in major pain. Everything, except Alaia, made her nauseous. But along the way, Blair did learn some stuff about her soon to be sister-in-law. Beatrice always wished her mother had realized she had two suitable children to take the throne. Not just one golden son. Although, back in the spring when it seemed like Louis was going to give up his title and Beatrice would be the queen, the Monégasque hottie actually hated all the responsibility. Too much pressure! She was relieved and overjoyed that it’d actually be Louis and Blair in the spotlight, making the decisions in the future. Being Harry versus being William – duh, we all know the answer to that one. Blair was partially glad to hear all this, slash, partially needed to find a trash bin to ahem, barf in ASAP. She couldn’t concentrate on anything that wasn’t puking. And that’s when Beatrice sensed something was going on with B. Perhaps a nasty drug addiction? Scandalous! But after talking to Dorota, Beatrice soon learned that wasn’t the case. If B didn’t have a drug problem, then she was clearly bulimic. Dorota confirmed this. Well, kind of. Blair was bulimic. But not anymore. However, Beatrice didn’t care. A bulimic was highly unsuitable for the throne! When Beatrice tattled about Blair to her brother, Louis said he knew everything about his fiancé already. Yes, Blair was bulimic in high school but that was years ago. Buried deep in the past. No need to worry. Yet Beatrice thought Blair was still unwell. And with all this added royal stress, it might worsen her condition. Louis didn’t want to hear anymore of it. But it seemed like Beatrice was out to prove him wrong. Uh oh. Seriously puzzled about Beatrice’s true intentions…

Meanwhile, Dan was on a search to figure out which publishing house had his book. He needed to stop them at once. The problem was that his only clue was the check Vanessa had sent him. Maybe there was a way to break into her bank account? How UES of you, D! So, Lonely Boy called Serena. Remember she had broken into Lily’s safe last year? Serena told him that was all Chuck’s work. Dan should ask him. Lonely boy looking to Chuck for a favor? Hath hell frozen over?

Dan reluctantly went to find Chuck, the only person who could help. But when Dan finally located him, he found the Basstard in a very strange situation. Chuck was getting beat up by two random guys in an alley! Something is rotten on the Upper East Side! But, after seeing Humphrey-Dumpty, the perpetrators freaked out and fled. Though Dan did get a glimpse of Chuck’s nasty bruise from the motorcycle accident. WTF was Chuck’s deal?!

Dan was actually worried. Shocking, I know. The Empire’s doctor came up to the room and sure enough Chuck was hurt. He had fractured a few ribs. The doctor was concerned. That’s dangerous and painful. How was Chuck not in excruciating, constant pain? Was he that heavily medicated? Dan believed he knew what Chuck was doing. It was obvious that he was just upset about Blair getting married. Dan told him he needed to get over her, for real this time. Besides, Chuck wasn’t even the last person Blair had kissed before Louis. Dan was! And that’s when Chuck admitted the truth: he had actually been with Blair. And unlike Dan, he didn’t just kiss her. His situation was more, uh, biblical.

Out in Los Angeles, Serena was excited to hang out with her cousin Charlie. Charlie, (or Ivy?) was not as thrilled. But she had to stick to playing the part. Charlie told Serena that she had gone to LA in need of a break from Florida as well as from her mom. Serena agreed that California was an awesome place for a respite. In fact, S was taking the semester off and staying in the golden state. Perhaps the cousins could live together? Charlie was freaked out. But Serena made a case; it was a tradition after all, two Rhodes girls in LA! History was repeating itself. Charlie thought it’d be best if she stayed put, but Serena insisted. So, the “cousins” looked at an apartment together and S thought it was perfect! This was the place for them! But since Serena left her checkbook at home, perhaps Charlie could use one of hers? It all came from the same trust fund anyway, right? So, Charlie grudgingly handed over a check to the realtor. It was the only thing she could do.

But then Charlie’s check bounced – oops – and she was flipping out. This could be the straw that broke the camel’s back – she could get caught! She needed to get out of town at once. Charlie convinced her boyfriend, Max, they should leave LA. They weren’t doing too well there and they were sort of unhappy. How about they start over again? In Portland! Yes, he could be a chef there and then they’d live happily ever after. But before Charlie could pack her bags, Serena showed up at Charlie’s. She knew why the check had bounced: Carol had cut her off. That bitch! This was unacceptable. Grandma CeCe would fix this. Charlie went along with Serena’s story – that’s exactly what happened, she told her concerned cousin.

Way in over her head, Charlie had to make a sacrifice. She broke up with her boyfriend. She wasn’t going to Portland with him after all. Max was confused. What the hell? And then Charlie admitted that it wasn’t LA making her unhappy, it was Max. Ouch. Fresh off her break up, Charlie was ready to move in with her cousin. But when Serena came to pick her up, she had a huge announcement. Turns out, Serena’s boss was just in LA for the movie. Her office was actually in New York. This meant S would be moving back to the east coast to work for her. And there was nothing she wanted more than for her cousin to join her. Was Charlie in? Charlie thought about it for like a split second and then agreed to it, of course. New York – if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere –and Charlie’s second time was about to be her charm! And with that the cousin Rhodes were heading back to NYC. Interesting!


All the while, Nate was busy trying to make a decision about where he was going to intern. Although it was hard to make such a decision when he couldn’t stop thinking about that mysterious woman from the party in LA. You know, the one he banged on the floor of the bedroom in the house he claimed to own? Yup, her. Well, Nate, naturally, had this lady on his mind. It was only kismet when he found her outside his mother’s townhouse. But the woman told him she was there to see Anne, not Nate. She was the new owner of the New York Spectator and was hoping to interview Nate’s mom for an article. The lady was definitely not interested in the younger Archibald.

But, Nate wasn’t going to take no for an answer. This meant he had to be resourceful. After his mom told the lady she wouldn’t do the interview, he convinced her otherwise. The woman, who Nate discovered was named Diana Payne, was impressed. Perhaps she owed Nate a finder’s fee. And in the world of the UES, a finder’s fee equals sex. So Nate and Diana did it in an apartment vestibule. And boy, was it hot. Still fanning myself over it. Don’t mind me. After their afternoon rendez-vous, Diana offered Nate an internship with the New York Spectator. It might not be a senator’s office but just look what George had done for JFK, Jr. Ooh, mixing business with pleasure? I like it!


Back in the Blair of it all, she was relieved that she’d be missing this year’s Feast of Assumption in Monaco. Although, B was in for a surprise when Beatrice announced that instead they’d be bringing the Feast to NYC. Yikes. At the Feast, Blair was once again feeling sick. All that food, all those smells, yuck. She tried to fake being well, especially in front of Father Cavalia, the priest who’d be marrying her and Louis, but to no avail. The more pastries she saw, the more she wanted to hurl. When Dan Humphrey showed up at the party, normal Blair would have told that outer borough-er to get the ef out. But Blair was in need of some assistance. She grabbed Dan and took him to the bathroom. He had one job and one job only: guard that door! Dan was concerned for her. He mentioned that he knew about Blair and Chuck having sex. Blair was startled. That Bass and his big mouth! But it didn’t matter – Blair had bigger fish to fry. Whatever Chuck was up to was not about her. He was the one who had given his blessing to marry Louis. NBD. And that’s when B started puking. Dan was alarmed. Could it be? Was she bulimic again? Maybe she should see a doctor—And so Blair was forced to admit the truth. She wasn’t bulimic, she was pregnant! Of course, right at that instant Beatrice came into the bathroom and heard all.

Blair begged Beatrice not to say anything. The only reason she hadn’t told Louis about the baby yet was because she didn’t want to get his hopes up. It was still way too early. When Louis approached the girls, Blair was ready for her fate to be sealed. Here it goes – Beatrice would surely spill the beans. But something surprising happened. Beatrice covered for Blair and didn’t say anything about the pregnancy. Beatrice’s nice? Okay…for now…

Or not. After the feast, Beatrice confided to Father Cavalia in a limo that she was pissed Blair was pregnant! She had hoped Blair was an addict or a bulimic or something that would make her and Louis unsuitable for the throne so she could reign instead. But this baby was going to impress her mother even more! They had to come up with another plan. Hmmm. And then Beatrice and Father Cavalia totally made out. Um, last time I checked a man of the cloth wasn’t allowed to go to second base…

Dan saw a blast of Chuck on this very site and it seemed like C was going back for more back alley beat ups. In typical Dan Humphrey fashion, he went to the location and tried to reason with Chuck. Oh, Humphrey, stop trying to save the day! Chuck told Dan the truth: he wanted to get hurt in the hope of finally feeling something. Because since he and Blair split for good, he felt nothing. Not a thing. Whenever he saw Blair and Louis together? Nothing. Crashing his bike? Nothing. Dan didn’t think Chuck was going about this in the right way. He could get seriously injured. Or worse, die! But then Chuck said something waaaay insightful: is being dead that much worse than being nothing?

After poking around the internet, Dan learned what Chuck was going through. It was called conversion disorder. It blinds, paralyzes and causes people to be unable to feel after a psychological trauma. Pretty obvious that Chuck was in fact hurting because of Blair’s engagement. Dan diagnosed that perhaps Chuck needed to start trying to feel good things. Oookay, thanks, Dr. Humphrey. Chuck seemed surprisingly grateful for Dan’s concern. Weird. And then Dan finally asked what he had been wanting to ask all freaking day: could Chuck help figure out what publisher had his book? Chuck was confused. Isn’t being published a good thing? Dan had to admit that the book was actually a scathing, social satire about everyone in their world. Including Chuck. Ah, Charlie Trout. Chuck agreed to it. Just because he couldn’t feel anything didn’t mean others had to go through pain. Was that Chuck being – oh I can’t even utter it – altruistic?


And in a surprising twist, Dan received an unannounced guest at the loft: Blair. As much as it pained her to say this, Dan was the only person she could talk to right now since he knew the truth about her. Blair admitted she was hoping denial would be the best coping mechanism but she could no longer do that. Yes, she had sex with Chuck once but she had had sex with Louis hundreds of times (go Louis!). It must be Louis’ baby, right? Right??? Blair could not believe this was happening to her. She was so close to having all her dreams come true. It couldn’t just end because of one Bar Mitzvah tryst. Dan thought she needed to find out who the father of the baby was – no matter what. But Blair was scared. What if she lost everything? And that’s when Dan told her she’d still have him. Even my ice-cold heart melted a little in that moment.

Oh, man. I am officially stuffed with scandal. And boy, did it taste good! Can’t wait for more servings of delicious, dramatic dishes. Who’s still hungry?

xoxo

Monday, October 3, 2011

Spotted!

Spotted: B out and about with Dorota. Like the good old days. Yay! C and N getting out of a limo outside of the Empire. They’re finally back in NYC. Thank goodness. D walking in Brooklyn. He was on his phone and seemed to be in a serious conversation. Probably talking about the new Wilco album. Who knows? Who cares? And in LA, S, on her day off, hanging out in Los Feliz. First shopping at Panty Raid, then lunching at Little Dom’s. It’s good to be S.

xoxo

Friday, September 30, 2011

S < 3’s LA

What’s New York’s loss is Los Angeles’ gain. Seems like Serena is making the west coast her home away from home. Could it be? Has S gone full on California girl?  I hope not. Although one can’t deny that she does seem to be enjoying her time out in the golden state. From dining at Bouchon to shopping at Barneys; oh wait, Serena did the exact same things in New York! But I suppose now she can do it with the sun constantly shining and movie stars (and reality stars, ugh) surrounding her. I’m not one to do much begging. But I’ll just put this out there: Please come back to NYC soon, S. Leggy blondes are a dime a dozen out in LA. Besides, you belong on this coast. The best coast – not the west coast.

xoxo