Eggs, bacon and pancakes…

Eggs, bacon and pancakes are the standard items on any usual brunch menu. But on an Upper East Side brunch menu the main item is drama. And boy was Bart Bass’ brunch today at The Palace Hotel no exception.

Ah, where to begin? Well, let’s start with the night before. Can you believe Dan Humphrey’s lame excuse of a goodbye to Serena? A wave? Really? Who does he think he is? Miss Brooklyn riding down Roebling on a float? Geez. The only thing worse than a wave is a high five and had Dan done that he’d have a one way ticket to Antarctica by now. If Dan really wants to keep a girl like Serena van der Woodsen around he’s going to have to do much better than, ugh, a wave. At least walk her to the door of the hotel. Do they not teach chivalry in Brooklyn? This kid has sooo much to learn.  

On the day of the brunch, Nate and Dan were surprised to find themselves both in search of a certain blonde vixen. But, alas, she was not home. The boys were forced to wait for her; side by side! A-W-K-W-A-R-D! And where exactly was our favorite girl? Serena was at Blair’s for their usual Sunday tradition: breakfast and Audrey. Too bad Blair wasn’t up for it. She told Serena she has new traditions now. Ouch! Oh, and Blair let Serena in on the fact that she knows Serena had sex with her boyfriend, Nate. Eek! Blair told Serena to stay away from her, her boyfriend and her friends. Serena was done here. Finished. Erased. You could cut that tension with a chainsaw.

Meanwhile, little Jenny Humphrey made her way uptown to Blair’s to ‘give back her calligraphy pens’. Ugh, what a lame excuse. These Humphreys need to work on their social skills because they are lacking. But unlike her dorky older brother, Jenny at least has some game. Blair invited Jenny to stay and help her get ready for brunch. She told Jenny about being part of this crazy Upper East Side world where people will talk. Does Jenny really want to be in it? Is it all worth it? That’s up for Jenny to decide. But while she deliberates, Blair let Jenny keep a dress made by her mother, Eleanor Waldorf. You better tuck that away in your LeSportsac, Jenny. Don’t want anyone to swipe it on the A train back to Brooklyn. You’d have to sell a whole lot of Girl Scout Cookies to ever be able to really afford an Eleanor Waldorf dress, J. 

Serena returned defeated to The Palace, only to find Dan still waiting for her (Nate must have left because unlike Dan he actually has a life). Serena was about to escape with Dan to somewhere far, far away from all the people who hated her when her mother, Lily, found her. Serena was expected to go to the Bart Bass hosted brunch. There was no way around that. Serena appealed but Lily was not having any of it. Their compromise? Dan could get his eggs benedict on at what was surely the most elegant breakfast he’d ever been to. This was a far cry from his local Williamsburg Diner where he was used to $.25 bottomless cups of coffee.

At the brunch, Nate finally got Serena alone and convinced her to meet him in Chuck’s suite to talk about everything that was going on. She reluctantly agreed, took Nate’s key to the suite and told him she’d be up in 10 minutes. In the mean time, being the horny devil that he is, Chuck gave Blair his suite key so she could finally (in Chuck’s words) “seal the deal” with Nate. Yes, you read that right. Two of Chuck’s suite keys were out in the hands of the two girls who could do the most damage with them. Oh, don’t you just love Sunday brunch? You never know what might happen…

Blair found Nate and told him she wanted to do ‘it’. Now. Nate, being a guy, jumped at the chance and fled with Blair. It must have slipped his pretty little mind that Serena was waiting for him… in the exact place he was about to go… When they arrived at the suite, Serena van der Woodsen was there in all her tall, blonde glory. Seems like this girl always gets in the way right when Blair and Nate are about to get down and dirty. The ultimate C-Block. Blair’s face froze when she saw Serena in the suite. What was Serena doing there? Who let her in? Serena and Nate tried to plead with Blair that they were meeting only to talk. But trying to defend yourself to a girl like Blair is pointless. Blair was fuming and there was only one way to get Serena back: to tell Dan all about how his dream girl had sex with her best friend’s boyfriend.

Serena and Nate raced off to find Blair before she could wreak havoc and divulge the big secret to Dan. What they found was Blair already talking to Dan along with the one person who was definitely not needed in this situation: Chuck Bass. Serena tried to stop Blair but instead it was Chuck who ended up spilling the beans to a crushed Dan. Chuck even took it to the next level by mentioning Dan’s sister, Jenny and their “unfinished business”. Lonely Boy didn’t like that too much so he showed off his aggressive Brooklyn tendencies and pushed Chuck into a waiter. The waiter and the mimosas he was carrying went crashing down to the ground causing a loud commotion for all to see. Everyone at the brunch gasped and stared at the scene; jaws dropped, cell phones abuzz. Just another Sunday afternoon on the Upper East Side.

Outside the hotel, Serena tried to stop Dan from leaving. But it was too late. Dan had already made up his mind. He was wrong about Serena. He knew she was from this world and that maybe she was different. But she’s not. Serena told him she’s trying to change but Dan didn’t want to hear any of it. He was over all of it.

As the sun started setting, one of my spies saw Serena walking down Madison Avenue holding onto her phone. And then she did the absolute craziest thing I have ever heard a girl do…she threw her LG Chocolate phone in the garbage! Can you believe that? What could she possibly be thinking? Has Serena gone mad? A girl can never live without her friends, her phone or her lipgloss. Oops, looks like Serena may be spending a lot of time applying her NARS wand to her lips since that seems to be the only thing she has left. What a cruel, cruel world.

So now we’re left to wonder what will happen to all of our favorite NYCers. What’s going to come of Blair? Has she finally gotten her revenge on Serena or was this only the beginning? And Nate? Is he going to remain loyal to Blair and keep his word he won’t talk to Serena? Or how about Chuck? He’s always up for a good game of ruin someone’s life. I’m sure he hasn’t had enough of torturing Serena yet. And what about Don? I mean, Dan. I mean, who cares? If he’s not with Serena then he doesn’t really matter, right? But we are still intrigued by one Humphrey: his little sister Jenny. It looks like she’s only steps away from being fully accepted by Blair and her crew. But will her alliance stay true to Blair? Or will she jump ship and support Serena? And last but certainly not least: Serena, herself. What’s a girl like her to do now? No friends. No phone. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This world is pretty hard to truly grasp. One day you can be on top of the city and the next you’re hated by all and thrown to the curb. But we’re certain this won’t be the last we see or hear of from Serena van der Woodsen. A girl like her is bound to have a comeback sooner or later. It’s your move, S. And you know who will be watching? Gossip Girl. 

xoxo