Gossip Girl’s head is spinning…

Gossip Girl’s head is spinning from all that’s happened in the last few days. (And thank you to all of my incredible sources. Couldn’t have done it without you!) From Serena van der Woodsen’s grand reentrance to the Kiss on the Lips party, Gossip Girl has been working nonstop. But I obviously took some time off to attend what is sure to go down as one of the parties of the year. Did you see me there? Of course you didn’t, because you don’t know who I am. Nor will you ever know. Thank you very much.

To get down to it, can you believe she’s back? Our beloved Serena van der Woodsen has returned after disappearing sometime ago. After arriving at Grand Central (couldn’t she have sprung for Amtrak?), Serena hopped in a limo and headed to the penthouse of her dearest and bestest friend Blair Waldorf. Blair and her boyfriend Nate Archibald were interrupted mid-devirginizing. Poor Blair, Nate jumped at the chance to greet his old friend Serena, leaving Blair half dressed and still a virgin. Guess you’ll have to keep waiting to find the perfect moment to lose it, B. It was hard to tell who was happier to see who: Blair or Serena. Did Blair even know her oldest friend was coming back? She did seem a little too surprised… Serena lasted at the party for a mere 5 minutes before rushing off mysteriously. Can this girl ever stay in one place for longer than like 10 seconds? It’s called Aderal, S. Might want to try it. Which leads us to wonder: where did she run off to? We can only speculate (trip to dealer for Oxycotin? Quickie with her mob boyfriend in Staten Island?). Serena van der Woodsen, you bewilder us all.

The next day at lunch on the steps of the Met, Blair told Serena she wasn’t invited to the Kiss on the Lips party. It was like the clash of the hot, superbly dressed Titans. Stunned, Serena demanded some QT with Blair at The Palace. Blair reluctantly agreed and the two gave each other looks so icy they could freeze hell over.

Meanwhile, our favorite new girl on the scene, Jenny Humphrey, was seen at Bendel’s looking for the perfect dress for the party. Word has it she called her brother, we’ll call him Lonely Boy, to help her pick out an outfit. That’s kind of cute yet kind of the dorkiest thing I’ve ever heard. Guess when you’re from Brooklyn you have something called family values? I’m unfamiliar. Supposedly, Jenny couldn’t afford a dress so she decided to sew one for herself. Santino’s got nothing on that girl.

B and S had a heart to heart over martinis at The Palace. It began to look like things might actually go back to normal for these two hotties. Oh, wait. Spoke too soon. Things could never be resolved that quickly and painlessly. Good hearted yet lacking certain brain cells Nate had to open his big mouth and ruin it all. He spilled the beans to Blair about a certain night last summer that helps explain a lot. What’s up with him and his honesty? Didn’t Nate ever learn that telling the truth is overrated and only gets you into trouble? It just so happens to be that when Blair was away at her mother’s country home, Serena and Nate hooked up. No, it wasn’t just a kiss. They did it. On a bar, nonetheless. Pretty classy, S.

While all of us on the Upper East Side were getting our makeup done at Elizabeth Arden for the social event of the season, Serena was heading to, omg it’s almost too hard to say, Brooklyn! Turns out, she went on a date with Jenny Humphrey’s older brother, Lonely Boy, who I guess isn’t so lonely anymore. His name is Don. I mean, Dave. Oh wait, it’s Dan. Gotta remember that. The two were going to see Dan and Jenny’s dad, Rufus, play with his band Lincoln Hawk (you can probably find one of their cassettes in the 99 cent bucket at like Sam Goody or any other record store that still sells audio tapes. Ugh, how early 90′s). But really, who told Dan it’d be a good idea to take a girl, let alone a girl like Serena van der Woodsen!, to meet his dad on a first date? Jeez, this boy has a lot of learn. The two actually appeared to be hitting it off, that is until Dan got an unexpected emergency text from Jenny. She was at the Kiss on the Lips party having a little trouble with our resident bad boy, Chuck Bass. Seems like Chuck was on the prowl for his latest conquest…or victim. When Dan and Serena arrived at the party, Serena ended up face to face with Blair. After an intense staredown, Blair walked off with Kati and Isabel in tow, leaving Serena all by her lonesome self. Guess things might not be going back to the way they were so soon…

Dan and Serena finally found Jenny on the roof of The Foundry. She was pleading with Chuck to get off her. In a crazy turn of events, Dan actually grew some and confronted Chuck. It was like watching Bruce Banner turn into the Incredible Hulk. Dan declared, “My name is Dan Humphrey. I’m in your class. And that is my little sister” before punching Chuck right smack in the face. I haven’t seen Chuck Bass with a bloody nose since the 9th grade ski trip to Aspen (damn altitude!)

Dan, Serena and Jenny made their way out of the party with everyone’s eyes on them, including a scathing Blair and Chuck as well as a sullen looking Nate. The three “outsiders” got in a cab and headed off to wherever it is kids from Brooklyn go.

Now we’re all left to wonder what is going to happen to our fallen princess of the Upper East Side? Where do girls who had everything go once they’ve lost it all? And what about Blair? Surely, she isn’t finished with Serena yet. Or Nate? Will he finally put Serena behind him and be the best boyfriend he can be to Blair? And Dan Humphrey…the first time he comes to a party and he ends up punching the one guy who doesn’t mind ruining lives. We’re sure Chuck will find a way to get the hipster from Brooklyn back. Watch your back, Dan. And finally, sweet little Jenny Humphrey. Tonight was her big chance to show she has what it takes to be in this world. Did she blow it? Or did she prove she could actually fit in? Always remember, you’re nobody until you’re talked about.

xoxo